Do you Hygge?

If you hygge and you know it

Sip your tea.

Sip, slurp.

Earlier in the year I bought the beautiful book “Hygge The Danish Art of Happiness” by Marie Tourell Soderberg and I adored lingering over every single page in it.hygge in Australia

Hygge is the Danish word for finding happiness in the little things in life and it is closely linked to the idea of cosiness.

This gorgeous little book explains what is meant by the word “hygge” and also suggests a number of different ways you can include the practise in your every day life.

Given all the upheaval and change that I had going on in my  life, this was the perfect little book for me.

I immediately launched into baking fresh bread for breakfast using Soderberg’s recipe. Is there a more comforting experience than eating freshly baked bread, still warm from the oven in the morning?

I got in the habit of mixing dough together at night before bed and then simply spooning  rolls shapes on a tray in the morning and baking it.

Warm, tasty and delicious.hygge the Danish art of happiness

I also experimented with creating cosy little nooks in my house where the children and I can sit snuggled up and surrounded by things that are familiar.

I  introduced some house plants into my home following the suggestion to have a corner filled with greenery. So far they are all still alive and there is something very enjoyable about having living, breathing plants inside my home.

I do wonder about what our unique Australian sense of hygge might look like. Soderberg talks a lot about the importance of retreating somewhere warm, with candle light and blankets due to the cold weather and short days. Here in Australia of course we have lots of warm or moderate weather. We also have long days and an abundance of space and coastline.

I know for me, that lovely feeling of contentedness nearly always washes over me when I hit the road and the horizon opens up to countryside vistas.Apollo Bayroyal botanic gardens melbourne

But I think the most hygge thing that I can think of doing is to sit down with a cup of tea. Growing up, my Mum was the Queen of making tea. It was never rushed and when she made you a cup you always had her full attention. So lovely.
hygge with a cup of tea

tea is very hygge

I would also have to include sitting by the fire, baking and pottering in the garden to my list. being in the garden is very hygge

So, do you hygge?

What do you do in your home that helps it feel like a place of cosiness and comfort?

 

The Ups and Downs of Running with Helen from My Home Base

Are you like me, feeling sick of reading horrible, nasty and negative news every day in the papers and online? Then join me in my love a blogger challenge. Spend a little bit of time reading some of the thoughtful, inspired and intelligent writing on offer by your favourite blogger. They probably don’t have a degree in journalism but they won’t have a Masters in Snark either. Most bloggers just write for the love of words and a desire to create something beautiful.

Today we are meeting Helen from My Home Base (one of my favourites).

Dani xx Continue reading

Why I freaking hate Freak Shakes

I love a ridiculously good food trend as much as the next person. Some years ago when all the cool kids started drinking their cocktails out of Grandma’s jam jars, I wanted in.

Like most people I am compelled toward the novel and the next in order to keep my ever dwindling attention span stimulated. Indeed chasing after the novel or the new has been shown to provide us with an endorphin kick and the resulting potential increase in the feeling of happines. Ahh. Continue reading

Why Mums are to blame for everything

Nearly 6 years ago exactly, I decided to run away.

I had two beautiful children. A perfect pair to be precise. A hard working husband who was an awful lot of fun to share adventures with.

“Want to try something new?”

“Sure.”

I had a house, a job, a few friends. I even had some rewarding community driven engagements.

“How fulfilling.” I hear you whisper.

But I wanted two more things; a baby and a trip to Italy.

I email my Mum, because that is always the right place to start.

“Mum I am thinking I might travel to Italy in September. I know that it probably won’t work, and I am not even sure that I can afford it, but is there any chance you want to come with me?”

A measly 5 minutes after I press send, the phone rings.

It was Mum, of course. (Who else still calls?)

“Yes I would absolutely love to go with you to Italy. If I can’t work out how to do it, you should go anyway. You will never regret it.

So we did go, my Mum and me. I ran away from my little family and all my responsibilities and the groundhog day routine and I travelled across Italy on a bus with a puking Canadian and I loved every minute of it.

Why Mums are to blame for everything

———————————————————————————-

I am a Superman blogger.

In my “Daily Planet” job I work as a Psychologist. It is not until night time comes that I rip off that suit and let my hair fly out and emerge from the phone booth (Ok, its more like a sturdy silver Mitsubishi family car) as a blogger.

Psychology has taught me one thing (not just one, mind).

It is always the Mother’s fault.

“Tell me about your childhood?”

Well I raise you one humble life lesson, Psychology, and tell you this.

“Of course it the Mothers fault, because the Mum’s do everything.”

TM (Book soon to be released by “Tell her she’s dreamin’ publishing.”

The Mum’s are there through the thick and the thin, the good and the bad. The wiping up and the cleaning down. The building high and striking down. The BFF’s and the frenemies and enemies, the bullies and the brokers.

Mum’s are IN IT ALL.

Case in point, when I wanted to run away, my loving, adventurous mother was right there with me, both literally and figuratively.

Conversely at the saddest, lowest ebb of my little life, my Mum shone through like a Mum/ Hulk hybrid (less green version).

My Dad was dying from cancer you see and he wanted to die at home. I am not really sure that he realised what this would mean when he made his request, but eventually we all came to understand it how difficult it was going to be to grant him his wish. But my Mum, she never wavered. She looked after him tenderly, persistently, carefully and purposefully. She took him on retreat to a hippy-freak organic-fruit-wielding-health-farm and when that didn’t work, she continued the plan from her own home.

She was a hero, draped in curly brown hair and hint of fatigue and a sadness drenched aura.

She was his hero and our hero and her hero and I will forever be grateful.

—————————————————————————–

Back in Italy though, Mum was chastising me or challenging me, I am not sure which one, about nearly everything.

“Just do it. You will regret it if you don’t. You only live once. ”

And so I did. I drank bubbles along the Grand Canal, I shopped on Via Condotti, I ate pizza in Piazza Del Campo and I fell asleep listening to Opera in a cold stone building in Roma.

My Mum is definitely to blame for some of that.

italy with my Mum who I blame for everythingSo if we must go around attributing blame of the “she did not breastfeed long enough” variety, let’s not forget to dish blame out thoroughly.

So right here, right now I would like to blame my Mum for a few things.

  • for cooking for me and my 5 sisters night after night, day after day, year after year, for decades.
  • for picking me up and dropping me off and buying me everything and organising a thousand small things that brought forth my future.
  • for telling me I could when I couldn’t and thinking I wouldn’t when I did (I was a teenager once).
  • for holding my hand through a lot of scary moments, only some of which occurred in childhood.
  • for the warmth and the laughter and the Summer’s by the pool.
  • for teaching me to be brave and forcing me to try new things.
  • for teaching me about loyalty by being loyalty, through and through.

There is a lot more I could blame my Mother for because, indeed, she was just there through it all.

How about you? What would you like to blame your Mother for?

Dan B with her MumAnd one last thing, Happy 70th Val! I love you.

 

Dani xx

 

 

 

Want to hear more about family life with 6 sisters?

You do for family, the sisterhood edition.

Best friends, family and moving house.

No new clothes for a year.

No New Clothes for A Year

AKA The tale of how one purple shirt started a revolution

No new clothes for a year

I stared at the contents of my wardrobe, half of which were strewn across my floor like some terrible ode to Jackson Pollack. For half an hour I had been trying on various combinations of skirts, jeans, dresses, jackets and tops, and still had not managed to hit on anything that looked even vaguely good. I threw a particularly offensive jean jacket across the room and yelled that familiar cry heard in wardrobes all around the nation:

I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!! Continue reading

Dear Multitasking Mummy

Dear Multitasking Mummy,

Thought I would send you a note to let you know that you are doing good. Well done. Yay for you. Keep going.

True, I don’t exactly know what it is that you have been up to this week, but I can imagine. I have children, two eyes and a brain.

Before you stop me with all the things that you did not do well this week, let me just say, don’t bother, I already know. Here is a list of actual things that have happened to people I know lately. Some of these people may have been me, but I’m not telling. Continue reading

How to make friends as an introvert

New girl in a new town-6

So, you are an introvert?

sitting alone in a crowd

Welcome, get comfy, check out your surroundings and feel free to sit up the back. Yes, all of you! (It’s the internet so we can do that see?)

You are in good company. J.K. Rowling, Emma Watson, Mahatma Ghandi, Rosa Parks and Audrey Hepburn all identify as introverts. In fact about 1/3 to 1/2 of the population claim to get their energy through spending time on their own.

Plus, introversion is the new black don’t you know. Everyone is doing it. This is our time loners!

Small problem though right? We all need people. Take it away Barbara.

People. People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.

Or something like that.

Yes, even we who leave parties without saying goodbye, even we who run screaming from the conference room at the suggestion we “share our thoughts with our neighbour. Even we, who sometimes want to shout out loud in the middle of a conversation “stop talking everybody”.

Even we, get lonely.

 jelly baby with no friends

Even we, need more than just books to meet our needs. (no offense books, I still love you books. Please don’t look at me like that books, you are still my bestie.)

Here are eight reason that even introverts need friends. Because some people have tried to convince me that maybe we don’t.

1. Connection with other people increases resilience
2. You are ace so you shouldn’t keep that to yourself
3. Friendship is good for the soul, the happiness, the inside smile.
4. Touch and human contact is part of what keeps us going. It decreases pain, promotes growth, increases wellbeing and may even help us stay healthy.
5. Talking with friends can help you solve problems and make a difference in the world.
6. You might one day have a broken heart and need someone to bring you cake.
7. You might one day get sick and need someone to bring you soup.
8. You might one day feel slumpy and need someone to bring you a Boost juice.

Convinced yet?
So how to go about making friends? Well that is the hard part. Gather around, some in close, (not too close of course), I have the secret.

Don’t do it.

Ok, just joking.

Using humour to deflect from my personal discomfort. Classic strategy.

Try it, you’ll like it.

Here are my (actual) top tips for making friends as an introvert.

cooltext131402211826358Say yes, to the right people, more often. “Want to come to the poetry workshop?” No “Yes, sure.” “Want to check out that new cafe with me?” “I’m too busy.” “Yes please, when are you free?” Want to try illegal base jumping on the weekend?” No thanks.

You never know what good thing might come your way from a new experience. Plus the more people you meet, the better your chances of making a friend. My bold guess is that the average new friend rejection rate is around 60% so, you have to be in it (often) to win it.
cooltext131402364292621Find your people. You don’t have to want to hang out with everyone all the time. If you’re peeps love going clubbing every weekend, and you like sipping green tea and watching Anne of Green Gables, then maybe branch out a little. Go somewhere different, do something new. Your people will be out there, somewhere. (If you like the tea and Anne thing, I am your people by the way.)
cooltext131402462416871Do something new every 6 months. This is a fun one. Join a club, try dating online, volunteer on a committee, attend a local event, go to an event at the local library, play tennis, become a Scout leader, start a book group. You will feel a little bit scared but hold on tight and do it anyway.
cooltext131402744590490Watch your body language. Maybe you are trying to make new friends but in reality you keep giving people dirty looks. Maybe you think someone you meet is interesting and ace but you refuse to look them in the eye or you ignore their phone calls. If so, work it out, work on it, develop a new talent for smiling and eye ball looking and cheek kissing and being friendly.

cooltext131402885431500This is a hard one, take the first step. Ask someone to do something that you think you might both enjoy. I am not so good at this one. I have been known to think about organising a coffee date with someone for years, until eventually one of us moves away and then I think, “Oh, that was a pity.”
cooltext131402984617154Throw a dinner party, it does not have to be at home. It is lovely to invite people into your home and you should definitely try to do it. But, if your house is your quiet, safe little cave, and you start sweating at the thought of having someone in it, then deal with it. Go out, try a restaurant, or a cafe. Go to an event, ask a friend to attend. Go to theatre, have a drink before hand. There is something lovely about having people in your home. It speaks of generosity, kindness and intimacy. But if you can’t make it, at least try to fake it.

cooltext131403160053496Be a friend. If in doubt, do something nice for someone else. This could include bringing, cake, boost juice or soup because everyone loves these things. You might also think about volunteering, listening or hanging out.

People love someone to listen to them, in fact I would suggest that there is listening famine. If you can listen, you are a golden jewel of a person.


So there are my seven tips. I meant to start with a funny story about how weird and shy I can be in a big group, to put you at your ease.  Instead maybe you could check out this other post that I wrote, it’s all there.

Five weird things adults should not do when trying to make new friends.

Or this,

How to make friends as an adult form a girl with six friends.

Yep, I don’t mean to brag, but I have six friends. Cool hey?

Happy smiling.

cooltext128271553595728

How to make friends as an adult (a very non-expert guide from a girl with 6 friends).

New girl in a new town-6 I already posted on five things not to do when trying to make friends. Ironically the post was very popular. This time, instead of being a negative Nellie I thought I would look on the bright side and write a (very non expert) guide on how to make friends as an adult. Making new friends as an adult is hard work. Really hard work. I have often met people who are funny, interesting and great to be around but the timing in our lives has just not added up, so no new friendship has developed.

There are different friends for different times, places and purposes. My goal is to never give up on any of them. 

But how to go about actually making new friends when you need them? Here are my top six tips.

1. Never say no to an opportunity.

If you say “yes” people are likely to ask you again and you will have more opportunities to meet more ace people. This is my number one rule and I have written before about how it does not always turn out well.  Some of my more adventuress examples include.

  • attending a poetry recital on my own in someone’s house, with basically their extended family present.
  • Hanging in a bustling room of adults with only my children talking to me. (Thanks kids xx)
  • Going on a 4WD trip and sleeping in a tent, in Winter, in a 4WD that no one would let me drive. While hating 4WD-ing.

Honestly, I have endless examples of how annoying this rule can be. For more read here. But there are also a lot of examples of when this rule did work.  And the friendships that have developed with new, interesting people, are generally very much worth the effort. Plus the poetry recital was kicking!

2. Be open to meeting new people every where you go. Like a puppy dog, basically be like a puppy dog. This way you will look cute, you’ll get treats and people will invite you into their lives without even realising it. Warning. You might, maybe, definitely will sometimes look daft.

playing-puppies-790638_1280

3. Be friendly, say hello. Be that person that you wish would walk up to you. This is one of my favourite ones. It gets me out of my own head and helps me think about other people instead. So at my sons new kinder, I was thinking it odd that the adults never acknowledged each other. So now I smile and chuck a loud “hello” into the wind every time someone walks past. People generally return the favour = happiness lifted. You can even use a little visualisation here, “I am Madonna at the music awards” type thing. Or read about channeling Jason Statham to overcome shyness, here. Or just think of that one person you do know who is great at making friends, and copy them.

4. Take the next step and ask someone to do something with you. I am a massive failure at this one. It is the hardest part of making a new friend for me. I sometimes think about doing it for weeks, months, years. But really, you will never get to have coffee with a new friend if you do not ask them. That simple.

5. Hang out where the people you want to be friends with hang out. Alert! I do not mean this in an overly literal way. DO NOT go around to someone’s houselight-painting-801024_640 uninvited or turn up to Advanced Zumba if you have never done Zumba before. I just mean that you need to actually meet people to make new friends. Look people in the eye, be present, smile. Don’t hang around in the library every day and wonder why the basketball kids are not your friends.

6. Don’t stick to your crowd. We all have a crowd, although for some of us this crowd might be very small. Poetry people, music people, foodie people, goths, Katmandu shoppers, 4WD magazine readers. You will have people, I promise, once you get out into the big wide world and explore. But, don’t just stick to your people.

grandstand-330930_1280

Bush campers should pop on their beanies and climb down from that ravine they have been hiking and then and say “hi” to the Bed & Breakfast/ short black drinking crowd every now and then. Urban hipsters should pop down their selfie sticks and go find the crafter in a cardigan sitting quietly while “people watching” at the back of the room. Sia fangirls should stop imagining being “Titanium” for five minutes and get chatting with the Andre Reieu fan over the back fence who remembers to put everyone’s bins out. This can be so rewarding as you learn more about life and the world, and it also gives you a better chance of making a new friend.

Just be prepared that this kind of scenario is bound to happen:

“I had such a wild night last night, I was meant to have dinner in the City with friends but instead we spent so long over cocktails that we just went straight to the club. What did you get up to?” Silence, crickets chirping. Should I admit it? “I ate Maltesers and watched Agatha Christie, again. And I loved it, again.” Right then. More crickets.

So that is it, my non expert advice. Are there any tips that you would add? Any startling failures or dramatic success. A big thank you here to everyone who ever adopted me as their new annoying little puppy dog friend. And a huge high 5 to those of you who puppy dog-ed me (that’s a thing now). You know who you are.

And if you are a new visitor to my blog, welcome and thanks for stopping by. You might also like to read this:

How to make friends as an introvert.

Feel free to sign up or like me on Facebook. I look forward to getting to know you. 🙂

Dani B

Five weird things adults should not do when trying to make friends.

New girl in a new town-4

So obviously one of the major things that I had to adjust to when I moved into our new little house, was the fact that I now had no friends. Literally, no friends. lambs It was exciting for a little bit as I fantasised about long afternoons spent reading books and lying around in the sun. That excitement lasted for about 2 hours in reality and then I realised.

This girls got no friends.

If I wanted to go for a coffee? It had to be alone because literally everyone I knew lived a very irritating 50 minute drive North West of Berwick. If I fancied hanging out at the park with the kids, it had to be a solo effort. With very little “hanging out” and lots of me staring at people on with friends on Facebook. Let me tell you, loneliness is standing alone at a park surrounded by groups of other peoples friends, larking in the sunshine.

Here are some things I did to cope with having no friends.

1. Inappropriately lingering at the supermarket checkout. “Sure, I’ll just finish my hilarious story while you start packing that ladies bags will I?”

2. Having a coffee with an “entrepreneur”. True story. It was worst than it sounds.

3. Chatting to an old man as we crossed the road after noticing he had struck up a conversation. With his dog. Not me. His dog.

4. Becoming besties with Jean from the op-shop. This may have been a little one sided, but hey, she wasn’t just going to walk away from that rusty old cash box was she?  Sorrynotsorry.

5. Asking strangers out for coffee, asking strangers around for dinner. Sometimes they said no (to my shame) and sometimes they said yes (even worse). I could go on. But seriously people, throw a girl some friendship if she is new in town would you?

As for me, I will stick to my motto. Never say no to an opportunity. This seems to work, eventually. Just look where it got me and Jean.

PS If you are reading this Jean, call me. That number you gave me does not seem to work. Hugs. xx