Burnham Beeches Piggery Cafe. A letter to Shannon Bennet




WARNING: Satire ahead. photo 1

Dear Shannon,

Thanks so much for having me over to your new place today. It was lovely.

I assume that you knew I was coming seeing as you sent that invitation. I mean it did not actually have my name on it but it did turn up on my Facebook page so I am sure you were not surprised to see me at the cafe.

There actually seemed to be a lot of people at your new Piggery Cafe in Sassafras today. A lot of them looked like pretty cool cats with all those skinny jeans, puffer jackets and ankle boots. You, however, look like you fit right in out here in the Dandenong Ranges Shannon. What with all that glorious, long, frizzy blond hair of yours. I could recommend some hair product for you if you are interested but probably you already have that sorted right?

Some of the hipster’s seemed particularly thrilled to see you working the restaurant. I think they would probably turn up to anything that you opened just to glimpse your gorgeous, zen self. I must say I  was pretty happy to see you myself, but you actually invited me there so that is just normal right? I’m not like those other celebrity chef fans. I only have a puffer vest, for starters……

How rude of me. My Mum always taught me the importance of good manners so let me just say what an absolutely gorgeous location you have chosen for your latest “destination dining” cafe.



She also taught me that if you ever have to offer someone constructive criticism you should always sandwich it between two compliments.

So, let me say this.

I loved the Five Senses Coffee that you served. I had assumed previously that Five Senses had some kind of ankle tag on their coffee beans that would self destruct when the coffee beans travelled more than 10km from the City. I am thrilled that you have some how circumnavigated this system and brought us this awesome, full flavoured, perfect flat white.


Secondly, when I visited today the service was a little bit, well, shabby. I am not sure if it was because there were so many other folk at your cafe and you were therefore too busy. I don’t like to be mean but we are talking forgotten order, no cutlery and a mix up with the bill. I’m sure this will improve once you all settle in.

The very glamorous looking lady behind me who was sitting with the man with the tight skin and the expensive loafers did not seem to have the same problem. They also seemed to have some kind of photographer trailing along. Maybe I should lose the iPhone and bring a photographer next time. We could even get a blogger/chef selfie. That’s a thing right?

Now for the missing part of the compliment/ criticism sandwich. The food Shannon. The food was awesome and ten different types of delicious. I ordered the chicken with home made chicken nuggets and three types of salads ($26). There was a lovely pot of tartare on the side. Every single mouthful of salad was perfect and I am sure your friends will be thrilled that you have incorporated kale, cracked wheat and wild garlic in such an interesting way.


Anyway, somehow we kind of missed each other today. I am totz cool with that Shannon. You look busy, what with all the taking over the empire stuff you are up to.  I would turn up to almost anything you open Shannon, even a sausage sizzle at Bunnings (I think Marguez sausage in bread is on your menu actually, you know with the brioche and the home made pickle? Is that a fundraising thing then or just a coincidence?)

Maybe I’ll meet you same place, same time next week Shannon and we can share a drink?


Just in case you forget here are the deets.

1 Sherbrooke Rd, Sherbrooke.


Piggery Cafe on Urbanspoon


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